Learning to Look Beyond What I See

The last month has been quite interesting for sure. During college I wanted to be a writer, I became an English Writing major and was told I was no good at it. I decided that English Writing was then not for me. I didn’t appreciate the criticism then and felt that no one in the department was willing to help me. I gave up writing at that point, cold turkey. I stopped keeping a journal, I stopped writing stories and poems and most importantly, I virtually stopped reading for pleasure.

I then decided that Politics was my next passion. I have always loved politics and I love talking about issues and trying to figure out how the government works (while yes, it is messed up and confusing… it’s interesting to try and figure out what way they will go). I took a wide variety of classes once I chose my Political Science major (I know I know… Beth is cringing as she reads this. 1. Because I studied poli-sci. 2. Because I studied poli-sci at Concordia.) But alas, I realized how much I enjoyed politics and I was able to at least attempt to devote myself to each of my classes even though there were required classes that I absolutely hated taking.

I wanted to be in the government but guess what, that’s really hard to do. Especially being young. Yes it has been done, but it costs a bit of money (that I don’t have). So I settled… for Walgreens. I wish with every fiber of my being that I had never settled. That I had just pushed thru and looked for something right when I got out of school in my field.

Now I’m regretting most decisions I made. I miss writing, I miss being part of political classes and I miss actually emerging myself into the politics of our nation. I regret staying at Walgreens for as long as I did but there were good things that came from it. Beth, my other friends, good connections with a few bosses and some very valuable lessons from co-workers, both positive and negative.

But as I sit here and I write this post, I feel the writer coming back to me. The one who likes to put her feelings, emotions and thoughts on a page and be able to express the ideas that I may not be able to put into coherent words in a conversation but can manage to write out with less trouble. Words are my thing, I miss the idea of writing and how it made me feel to hit submit on a site even like fanfiction.net.

I am slowly learning to realize that I may be 25 and out of school now for three years almost, but I am certainly in a good spot to be able to start over. It will take a while to find something that I will accept, something that will suit me in what I want to do but I know something is out there for me. There is nothing that can stop me except myself and I have more support than I realized at the beginning. God wouldn’t put me into any situation I can’t handle and this is just my next trial in this game called life. And just like everything else, I will make it through this.

Alas, I must now figure out how I am going to pursue writing, and politics and scentsy (my newest attempt to find something that I’m good at). Good luck to me I do suppose.


❤ Nina

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